Beautiful Anne would be coming home in a couple of days. I wanted to make sure our home was safe for her. I made sure her room and all the things for the sweet baby were ready for her return. What I didn’t know at the time was that alcohol and drugs would be hidden in places in her room. I had no thought of her stashing alcohol, medication, or drugs. What I knew was she wanted to be better and get over the addiction. So, at this time I was still thinking that it was a matter of time, concentrated effort on her part, and abstinence from the opioids. I never thought about how alcohol and other drugs would be something she would use to overcome the opioid withdrawal with its physical and emotional pain. I was totally oblivious.

The day arrived to pick beautiful Anne up from the airport. I had her sweet baby girl with me and couldn’t wait to see her. I of course was expecting the trip to be what was needed for a full recovery from the Fentanyl incident. Beautiful Anne came through the breeze way at the airport, and I was so excited to see her I began to tear up. She was smiling and was dressed pretty with her hair fixed; she was all put together. She didn’t appear fragile as she had before she left. I did notice, though, as we began talking, that her speech was slightly off, slurred, or kind of relaxed and she was exuberant in maybe a slightly different way than her normal, but I brushed it off as her being overwhelmed to be back home and with her sweet baby girl. After all, beautiful Anne was only 17 years old with a baby. Anne picked up her sweet baby and hugged her and kissed her and that little baby responded with the most delightful expressions of joy. We gathered ourselves and her luggage and headed to the car.

As we drove home in the car, beautiful Anne’s fear and anxiety became apparent. She started to talk about her concerns. She said, “Mom, he (the sweet baby’s father) knows so many people in Montana, and they all like him. ‘He and his football buddies are going to move in together into a big condo.’ ‘How can I be there too?’ ‘But he says it could work.” I told her, “All will work out and be Ok.” Then she said, “We (her and the sweet baby girl) have to move there to be with him soon, Mom, before his feelings change about us.” I knew in my heart exactly what she was worried about, and it was all valid, but if he was going to be a part of her life, he would make it happen; that was what I was telling myself. Then in the back of my head all I could think of is what a mess. I was, of course, choosing to believe Anne had overcome the Fentanyl incident so we could go home and be a family.

When we arrived home, we got out of the car, and Anne took the sweet baby girl inside the house. Her brother helped me unload the luggage, and we took it into the house and upstairs to beautiful Anne’s room. In Anne’s room, she had a small floral upholstered chair that sat next to her window and was turned at an angle toward the bed. When her brother and I took the luggage upstairs, we saw that Anne had put the sweet baby girl in her crib, which was next to the balcony in Anne’s bedroom that looked over the kitchen. Anne was sitting in the chair looking at her phone and was somewhat withdrawn. She didn’t look at us and barely responded to her brother, saying, “Do you want the bags in here (the library) or in your room?” She just said, “there”. In just the time it took to get into the house, unload the luggage from the car, and take it to her bedroom, something had changed dramatically with Anne.

I remember it so well because I fought myself about thinking she had taken something; a drink of alcohol or drugs. How could she have? There wasn’t anything in the house or was there? Or had she been drinking on the plane and she was in a stupor now. Why would she? She and the sweet baby girl’s dad had a plan for the future, right? I went over to her, and she said, “Hey, Mom. ” I said, “Are you Ok?”, “Yeah, Mom, ” she responded. I said, “The baby is asleep; why don’t you sleep now too?” She responded, “Ok” She was already dozing. So, I left the room.

I checked on beautiful Anne and the sweet baby after 30 minutes. The baby was beginning to stir, but Anne had not moved from the chair. Her head was slumped forward and to the side, and it looked so uncomfortable. The bigger question I had was why she didn’t move to her bed. I then allowed myself to acknowledge that, yes, she had been drinking most likely on the plane. I was hoping she had not taken any drugs. I tried to wake Anne. She struggled to make a sound. I kept on! I realized she was not waking up. I wanted her to engage with the sweet baby girl. But I was unable to wake her up. I was angry with her, but what good was that? She was unable to wake up at that time. I was then so scared. I was scared that we were on the same chaotic path of alcohol, drugs, and attempting to stay sober, as before she left. What will I do?

Part 7 – coming soon