The next days were filled with shock, fear, anger, disappointment, and just complete dumbfounded ignorance. I knew extraordinarily little about drugs except for antibiotics, Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, steroids, muscle relaxers, and stomach acid tablets. I did not even give my children cough syrup because of its components. I went online to try to educate myself about Fentanyl. (I still did not realize the initial culprit was OxyContin given to her by my friend and her doctor, the OB-GYN, and that was beautiful Anne’s point of impact for addiction. The medical description of OxyContin is a potent, schedule II extended-release analgesic used for around-the-clock management of severe, chronic pain when other treatments are insufficient. (Narcotic). It is meant for long-term, around-the-clock treatment of severe, persistent pain that requires continuous, 12-hour pain management. It is not for “as needed” (PRN) use. My beautiful Anne was seventeen years old and had a normal delivery of a baby vaginally and never complained of pain.) Online sources described quitting fentanyl “cold turkey” by staying hydrated with Gatorade or water, using Ibuprofen for withdrawal symptoms and pain, and taking medicine for diarrhea. So, I bought a ton of orange Gatorade, Ibuprofen, and medicine for diarrhea. I wanted to rush her to the doctor, but she was afraid because she had taken the Fentanyl and had a brand-new baby, and she worried the baby would be taken away from her. I was afraid too. What would happen to our sweet baby girl? Too many fears and chaos.
Anne was 100% on board with the plan to stop “cold turkey”. She wanted to go to Montana for Thanksgiving and take her 2-month-old baby girl to meet her dad. I told Anne we would go if she avoided drugs and alcohol. Anne stated,” I am scared, and I don’t want to feel like this again.” She did such an excellent job following our ritual of Gatorade, Ibuprofen, and, when needed, diarrhea medicine. She was keeping her mind focused on the trip and taking care of her sweet baby girl. Beautiful Anne was shaky, frail, and scared, but determined to succeed. I never doubted her success. We packed our bags for our trip to Montana. Her 14-year-old brother was coming on the trip, too. I needed his support, and I wanted it to feel like a normal family event, not another crisis.
We arrived at the airport, a little behind schedule due to our situation with Anne struggling to stay sober from drugs and alcohol, and making us a bit disorganized. Beautiful Anne had so much anxiety, though she wanted to go. She would get upset, then cry, then resolve to just go with it, but this happened many times as we attempted to get in the car to head to the airport. She was anxious about seeing her boyfriend, she was anxious about her sweet baby girl on the plane, postpartum feelings, and she was still recovering from the Fentanyl incident. I, of course, still did not realize that her brain had been hijacked by the OxyContin after the birth of her baby girl and then the Fentanyl incident. We eventually got loaded into the car and started on our way to the airport. When we arrived at the airport, we were rushing. We had to hustle up the stairs to the security check-in. Of course, it was busy due to the Thanksgiving holiday.
Thankfully, we had only carry-on luggage, backpacks, and a diaper bag. We took off our shoes, jackets, backpacks, and put them and the diaper bag on the conveyor for the X-ray camera. We laughed at the silliness of rushing, went through the X-ray machine, and quickly grabbed our things from the tubs. We hurried to put on our shoes, backpacks, and jackets as we ran to the gate with our sweet baby girl in the foldable stroller and our carry-on luggage. We arrived at the gate panting! The attendant said we were too late, that the door was closed. I pleaded with her and said we have a baby. She asked the captain by radio if we could still get on the plane, and he granted the request. We rushed down the ramp with all our belongings and our sweet baby girl, who had been content the entire time. We settled into our seats and began to relax. The plane began to taxi down the runway. Anne then began to look around. She said, “Does anyone have the diaper bag?” I looked around, and then her brother looked around and said, “No.” She then began to have an anxiety attack. She gasped and started crying. We were now in the air! She said, “We don’t have the diaper bag!” It had all our baby essentials, formula, diapers, an outfit, and playthings. Luckily, the baby had a pacifier with her in her carrier that we had on the plane. I tried to console Anne, who was feeling so uncomfortable. I said, “it will be OK, I will ask the stewardess if they can ask if anyone has an extra baby bottle, diapers, or formula.”
The stewardess asked the passengers over the plane intercom, “Does anyone have extra baby needs: such as a bottle, formula, or diapers?” No one did. Anne said, “Mom I am going to go to sleep.” I told her, “Our sweet baby girl is content, and it will be Ok.” The flight duration to our connecting destination in Colorado was two hours. The baby slept almost the entire flight until it was about 30 minutes away from landing. She began to stir because she was hungry. I was trying to think of what to do because I was anxious too! Beautiful Anne woke up, and she said, “mom what are we going to do?” I said, “I’m going to ask for 7-Up or Sprite and put it on her pacifier.” “Will it be Ok, Mom?” she asked. I answered, “Yes, she will be fine.” I then asked the stewardess to bring 7-Up or Sprite. Our tiny sweetheart began to cry a little just as we received the 7-Up. I took her pacifier and dipped it in the 7-Up, and then gave it to her; she settled right down. We continued to do this for the remainder of the flight, and she stayed quiet and content.
The plan for when we landed at the airport for our connecting flight, since we had an hour to wait, was to find a baby bottle, formula, and a diaper. Beautiful Anne and her brother would inquire whether individuals had any extras of these items, while I visited the kiosks to determine if such materials were available for sale in the airport. The kiosks did not have any of them, but a cashier told me to check with the airport’s help desk or security. The help desk told me to go to the bottom floor of the airport, where they put recovered items from the planes. I was delighted to find they had diapers and baby formula there. I collected the items and took off running to get back to the kids at our destination gate. My son came over to me when I reached them at the gate, and was upse,t but told me they were given a baby bottle. He was upset because people thought he was the baby’s father. Anne was crying, but the baby was quiet. I asked, “What’s wrong?” Anne said, “Our sweet baby girl began to cry, and I didn’t know what to do, so I put water in the bottle and gave it to her.” I said, “That was smart. You kept her calm until I came back.” Anne said, “A lady told me I would hurt her if I gave her water.” I said, “You did the right thing, it is temporary.’ The lady did not care to ask what the circumstance was; she just made a judgment. All will be Ok,” I told Anne. Anne was distraught and shaky. I gave her a Gatorade, ibuprofen, and gum, which helped her relax somewhat. We made the formula I had gotten and changed the sweet baby girl’s diaper. It was then time for our connecting flight. All was calm on this plane.
We landed in Missoula, Montana, during late afternoon. The plan was to rent a car and head to Walmart to gather diapers, formula, and bottles, as well as food for the week. (As I am writing this blog, knowing what I know now, I wish I had put beautiful Anne in a rehab at this point in our story. I just had no frame of reference for drugs and addiction. At this point, she would have been willing to go and would not have suffered all the relapses, bad decisions she made because of drugs, and horrible shame.) We rented the car and went to Walmart. Anne, of course, had already been in contact with her boyfriend, our sweet baby girl’s father. She was excited and felt like everything was going to be OK once she was with him. She wouldn’t feel like she had made the biggest mistake of her life getting pregnant with a fellow who wasn’t going to be there and love her.
Part 4 – coming soon
